he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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