If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
