I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
