There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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