He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
