Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So much rum. So many feels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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