Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Me too!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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