Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
