Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I smell stomach acid.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
