it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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