Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize