My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
