Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My penis needs a shock collar
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
