If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
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