wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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