I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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