I want to have your abortion
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
