Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
