i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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