God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
