I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
