like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
