I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
