marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
