I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
