it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
