Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
