one two three fourrrrnication!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I die, sorry about rent.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
