If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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