Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it because I queefed?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
