I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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