i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
