Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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