me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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