In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I believe in your delicious
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
