my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
