I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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