I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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