apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In America we eat man semen.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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