He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My cat gives me a boner
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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