my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you had me at cake vodka
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
