eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
