Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
