I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
