I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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