jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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