My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
