My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
