I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
