HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
