Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
