smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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