arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
