The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
