i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
