I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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