my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
