Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
