Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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