grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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