nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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