the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
