I would go down on you faster than GM stock
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
