I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
