He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
