i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
