why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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