a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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