There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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