guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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