If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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