This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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