My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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