He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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