..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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