I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
