i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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