Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
