I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
